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  1. Where Are You Now

From the recording Where Are You Now

On Valentine's Day 2011 my family lost our newborn son Joseph Phoenix Crockett. We call him Josephoenix. This is the song I wrote getting through it, one of the many gifts he left us in his brief life. I rarely perform it, and the only place you'll find it available is here at UseMusic.org. It features the voices and performances of Zoë Presley, Hamid Shibata Bennett, Mo Phillips, Richey Bellinger, Michael Henchman and my neighbor Erin Nelson, who were among the many who buoyed us after he died. Proceeds go to support the Dougy Center and the simple, powerful help they offer children, teens, adults and families grieving a death.

Lyrics

Don’t want to talk to you in my dreams,
don’t want to see you on some kind of screen
I just wanna hold you like you never went away
But you’re never gonna stay
 
I don’t know what happened but there’s nobody to blame
And I want you to understand that I’m so really glad you came
even when I miss you like I can’t get what I need
I swear to God it feels just like you’re still a part of me
 
                Where are you now
                where are  you  now
                where are  you  now
                where are  you  now
 
Every human bean in this belligerent and fleshy form
has a calling it can hear out loud the moment it is born
a keening that’ll move your heart and pull you down the line
If only you can plant your feet and get to spend some time
 
I knew that you were coming, it was written in the stars
And I still feel you in my bones like I’m close to where you are
I had my arms open to catch you should you fall
but the train has left the station and I don’t see you at all
 
                Where are you now
                where are  you  now
                where are  you  now
                where are  you  now
 
I been through enough to know I ain’t afraid to die
there ain’t no hell and heaven ain’t on clouds up in the sky
We been through some healing and some realing at the shock
but I know that it won’t matter if I turn o’er every rock
when no amount of love can change that you are really gone
Still can I have more to go on than convictions and a song
something I can use for real like a hammer or a nail
do you ever get to speak out loud from that side of the veil…
 
                Where are you now
                where are  you  now
                where are  you  now
                where are  you  now
 
Don’t want to talk to you in my dreams,
don’t want to see you on some kind of screen
I just wanna hold you like you never went away
But you’re never gonna stay